Welcome to this edition of Essence of Reality. If you missed the last one, please take a few minutes to view the content.
Last year I wrote an article on this important topic, located in my August 22nd newsletter. Typically, at the beginning of a new year, most of us begin by setting specific goals and actionable steps to achieve them. What occurs along the way may be self-criticism rather than from another person when we discover that our goals have not crystallized yet into reality.
When we become critical of our set goals we are choosing to undermine the Essence of Reality for achievable goals. Thus, the negative comes to mind resulting in quitting rather than looking for a new approach.
Did you know that behind every criticism lies a wish or desire? It simply makes sense because when you think about it, why bother to make the goal in the first place? However, quitting will only provide self-doubt.
When the criticism comes from another individual, the comment may demonstrate that they care about your success and the relationship they have with you.
In both cases, rather than fighting back or getting defensive try looking inside to determine what action you took that generated the criticism. Was it the first time or has your action become repetitive?
Once you know the action you can view the criticism from the perspective of knowledge and understanding gained.
Ask yourself... Do I trust and respect the individual that levied the negative remarks? If your answer is Yes, then it will be to your benefit to search for a new action in order to change rather than fighting back or getting defensive.
Who made the remark? Write the name here.
What was the purpose of the criticism? Be specific
Why did you take offense? Again, be specific
When and How can you make things right again? Stay the course but initiate change
Where do you begin? At the point that was identified.
Try to take a concrete look at how criticism can open your mind and change your behavior in a positive way. Most times looking within is a difficult task and yet the knowledge and understanding gained bring their own rewards.
My challenge is to let go of expecting others to perform at the same high standards as I do. My philosophy is, "Say what you mean and mean what you say with honesty and kindness." In my fifty years of marriage to be celebrated in the next few days, we both have dished out criticism. Looking back over the years, I can state we were the very guides for each other on that unpaved road leading to peace and joy.
Right now, I have found myself going through a difficult learning curve, which has caused me to have self-doubt. I seldom give up and yet at this one juncture, I wonder if the time and effort are worth it. This learning curve came about as the result of a business I depended on having closed its doors.
Rather than focusing on the decision the business made to close its doors, I decided to try and learn what I always hired the company to do. Their performance was stellar and yet they had to close as so many other businesses have. I have reached out for assistance from an individual that has never let me down. I have as I thought I would, received more than I hoped for. I am not where I wish to be yet but I am closer and getting closer.
When I receive great customer service, I am quick to write a letter of recommendation to their manager and I also give a copy of my letter to the individual as a way of commending them for a job well done.
Recently, I have come in contact within the medical community some amazing professionals. All of their managers received a letter of recommendation that included specifics of the exceptional job they did.
This year I have already written three such letters and unfortunately with one individual, I had to request a note be placed in my medical file to no longer receive services. I could have easily written a letter of criticism, however, I decided to handle it the way I did due to the shortage of doctors, nurses, and technicians.
There are all kinds of ways to say thank you and to be grateful to those that help us on our unpaved journey every moment of every day. Try to stay the course and discover the strengths you have rather than focusing on what you have perceived you cannot do. Reach out to another that can help you to stay in line with your goals.
Peace and Joy
Bonnie
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Copyright © Bonnie Ausfeld, February 2023, All Rights Reserved.
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Good article, Bonnie.